Be Gentle With Yourself, Self

Perhaps, I should be the very first person to say, "Be gentle with yourself, self." Right now, my heart seems to heave in turmoil and upheaval. I try to keep a pacified front, but my heart --- this poor heart of mine is in so much fuss --- for reasons I would much rather keep to myself.

I really sought for this quote on the web:

In all honesty, I try to keep peace in my soul, but when I look around me and see chaos, I can not help but be affected.  I can't keep myself from getting into a sort of  involvement - more so when the the disorder is right within your family circle. 

To be honest, I am very much affected with my husband's unemployed status.  While his service has been indispensable around the home, it pains me to think that my meager take home pay can not provide for all the family needs.  If my mother did not send us a monthly allowance to cover for the electricity bill, we would have had no electricity by now. 

I tried my hand at starting a small business with the idea that HE WOULD TAKE CHARGE, but unfortunately, he doesn't. It always irks me to note that he does not make the necessary decisions to ensure that the business will at least flourish and in the process, its profit and proceeds could help make ends meet.   I try to think of ways to augment my income, but where do I go and what do I do?  It seems I am at a dead end --- with nowhere to run to anymore.  I am tired of trying so hard. My mind is too fatigued to balance plans and ideas between work and home. How I wish I could come home and simply relax and not think about a single thing because at work, wile piled-up paper works required of us, the stress is simply killing me. 

I need to be gentle with myself. In fact, I try to be gentle with myself knowing I have done what I should do and even if I kill myself in the process, it would not change my predicament as of the moment unless a miracle happens.

I have young ladies at home, yes... but all they do is keep themselves glued to their gadgets with no purpose at all WHY they are into their gadgets.  I am also engrossed in my gadgets because to me, THIS IS LIVELIHOOD.  I have started to resume blogging in the hopes of earning a few more pesos through Google Adsense so I can increase our income.  I plan on joining Facebook singing contests  again because I know I can earn something through it. I hope my daughters will see that life is not easy.  For me, it has been so hard from the beginning.  It is still so hard at present and if my body fails, it will be so much harder for them because I am the only one earning.

Tell me to be gentle with myself, self... I need it now more than ever. My whole body aches and my mind is chaotic I want to snap at everyone. I need to be gentle with myself, but how? How on earth can I do it when all I want to do is live all alone and keep everyone out so they can learn to fend for themselves without me?

Where can I buy an ounce of gentleness as of the moment? Tell me, who could loan me gentleness even for a moment. I am burned out. I am fed up. I just want to disappear from the face of the earth.