Breathless But Moving On
I started the semester with optimism that, just like the summer sessions, everything will be bearable.
How wrong did I get!
I started in idyll apparently. I did not stop and ponder what will happen when work and school collide with each other. It definitely left me flattened in their midst ---- still breathing and alive, but a bit dizzy and disoriented. The adjustment led me to a cowardly decision: that of giving up my studies to focus on the demands of work. After all, my primary motive for educational advancement is to enhance my professional knowledge. Personal advancement will come in as a by product of these things.
It's a daily struggle, I tell you. The workload of a teacher doesn't stop at preparing lesson plans, actual teaching, preparing tests, checking of test papers, recording scores and computing grades. A teacher these days need to have the endurance of Darna and Wonder Woman otherwise, she will collapse --- if not physically, she will wither away morally and emotionally and spiritually. Physical collapse, for me at least, is more manageable because when the fatigue wears off through resting and taking of necessary medications, the teacher bounces back like new in the classroom. What's frightening is moral and spiritual collapse because no amount of medication could bring back the enthusiasm and the love for genuine transfer of knowledge and learning from teacher to student. The teacher becomes an antagonist in the eyes of the student and vice versa. The emotional bond that has to be present --- the rapport --- is gone and is replaced with a morally dangerous situation of mediocrity both in the teacher and the student.
I couldn't do a balance on both. I am not ashamed to admit such weakness if one considers such to be a weakness. And so, I must choose to prioritize one. My choice is my work because I am morally liable to God to deliver the goods to the best of my ability. This study is a necessary tool for professional advancement, that's true, but I need not sacrifice my students in the process. My performance, therefore, this semester is a far cry from my performance during the summer class. I am not, therefore, expecting the same grades and achievement.
I am used to giving my best in every endeavor I embark on, but unfortunately for this semester, my best wouldn't be enough because I need to give the best I could to something far more important than my studies --- my students. If I get low grades, it's a prize I will be more than willing to accept.
How wrong did I get!
I started in idyll apparently. I did not stop and ponder what will happen when work and school collide with each other. It definitely left me flattened in their midst ---- still breathing and alive, but a bit dizzy and disoriented. The adjustment led me to a cowardly decision: that of giving up my studies to focus on the demands of work. After all, my primary motive for educational advancement is to enhance my professional knowledge. Personal advancement will come in as a by product of these things.
It's a daily struggle, I tell you. The workload of a teacher doesn't stop at preparing lesson plans, actual teaching, preparing tests, checking of test papers, recording scores and computing grades. A teacher these days need to have the endurance of Darna and Wonder Woman otherwise, she will collapse --- if not physically, she will wither away morally and emotionally and spiritually. Physical collapse, for me at least, is more manageable because when the fatigue wears off through resting and taking of necessary medications, the teacher bounces back like new in the classroom. What's frightening is moral and spiritual collapse because no amount of medication could bring back the enthusiasm and the love for genuine transfer of knowledge and learning from teacher to student. The teacher becomes an antagonist in the eyes of the student and vice versa. The emotional bond that has to be present --- the rapport --- is gone and is replaced with a morally dangerous situation of mediocrity both in the teacher and the student.
I couldn't do a balance on both. I am not ashamed to admit such weakness if one considers such to be a weakness. And so, I must choose to prioritize one. My choice is my work because I am morally liable to God to deliver the goods to the best of my ability. This study is a necessary tool for professional advancement, that's true, but I need not sacrifice my students in the process. My performance, therefore, this semester is a far cry from my performance during the summer class. I am not, therefore, expecting the same grades and achievement.
I am used to giving my best in every endeavor I embark on, but unfortunately for this semester, my best wouldn't be enough because I need to give the best I could to something far more important than my studies --- my students. If I get low grades, it's a prize I will be more than willing to accept.
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